Category Archives: Relationships

If You’re Feeling Empty

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Sometimes, the times when you feel the most alone, are the times when God is freeing you up of false support systems so that you can fully come to sense His presence, His power, His love for you, above all else.

This past year I’ve seen the truth of this in a whole new way. At first it felt rather bleak, when things, dreams, and people got whittled out of my life. Then it got quiet. Distractions were few. God was persistent in letting me know there are few people who genuinely have your back and also have the power to lead you forward anyhow, so He repeatedly hinted that it might be best for me to get used to this new cozy relationship He wanted to have with me. So I finally responded with, “Okay, let’s do this then, God.” I didn’t have much left to lose, and I wasn’t expecting a lot. Maybe a bit of insight or some needed wisdom.

But then God blew me away this past year, in how He Himself made up for every lost and every broken thing in my life. 

Maybe you’re at a point of loss right now. The closed doors you’ve experienced in relationships or opportunities have been devastating, and you might be wondering where God is, in all that.

That’s what happened to Naomi, in the book of Ruth. Widowed and grieving over the loss of her two sons, she finds herself returning to her home town, with one daughter in law who refuses to leave her side– a daughter in law named Ruth, who had suffered loss too, but had not lost faith in the God of Israel that she had come to trust in.

And when Naomi utters how broken she feels and how she thinks God’s hand has gone out against her, she was speaking that all the while that Love was leading her home to Bethlehem, house of bread– and the place where important, life changing, prophetic fulfillment was about to take place in her life. Where a great filling up was about to take place, and literally spill over in generations to come.

You may feel empty right now, but God wants you to know, He’s looking to FILL you up….to overflowing. You don’t even have to be able to see how God could do such a thing. You just need to know that He CAN and that He WILL. Just open your eyes, and open your heart to Him as well. You may be in a scarcity mindset, but God operates so opposite of that. He’s waiting for you to take just a step closer to Him, open your eyes a little wider,  and discover that He knows how to redeem every last and every lost thing in your life.

“Do you not perceive it?  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19

Something beautiful is about to rise from the ashes of your past.

Because Your Redeemer LIVES.

 

A Message of Hope From the Manger

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The farmhouse is only half decorated.  We put up a lot of twinkle lights: on the fireplace mantel, sprawled across the buffet, outside on the front porch, and on the Christmas tree, but that’s the bulk of my decorating. Twinkling lights everywhere kind of make up for the lack of other decorations, in my mind. (Also a fire crackling in the fireplace. And hot cocoa in pretty mugs. That’s perfect decorating, right there.)

Oh, and I also got a wreath from Trader Joe’s and put it on the smokehouse outside (which everyone thinks is an outhouse building, when they first drive into the farm.) While we were at Trader Joe’s, the cashier saw my daughter and I in deliberation over a new brand of cookies. I wasn’t sure I wanted to get them.

He opened the canister and  said, “Go ahead, try them out first.” The two senior ladies checking out behind me heard the cashier’s words and came over to peek at the cookies. I motioned them to join in and we had an impromptu tea party, right then and there, courtesy of Trader Joe’s. Honestly, the generosity and cheerfulness of the place was so heart warming. My daughter and I walked out of there, wheeling our full cart, and singing “Joy to the World, the Lord has Come” at the top of our voice.

I so love Christmas. But I’m already eagerly anticipating New Year’s Day, the day of fresh beginnings and new resolutions.

It’s actually because of what we celebrate on Christmas Day, that I do look forward to what comes next. It’s not just the birth of the Savior, but His overcoming life He lived- and lives through us today- that we celebrate. And emulate.

And here’s His trajectory:

From the humble manger—> to influencing the whole wide world.

So don’t despise the day of small beginnings, Zachary 4:10 tells us. You can add to that,  Don’t despise the day of:

  • humble beginnings
  • insignificant beginnings
  • troubled beginnings

Do you know the opposite of the word despise? It’s

Those are all the words we need to apply to our humble beginning, our shaky start we made to any dream we felt called to. And it’s never too late to get back in the saddle of any dream we had set aside, out of discouragement, and start moving forward with it again.

If we don’t despise Jesus’ birth in the lowly manger (but instead we respect and cherish that scene), then we shouldn’t despise ourselves or our own humble, meager beginning…of anything.

That start of your dream? That shaky beginning you made when you went back to school? That relationship you wanted to build on the solid ground of integrity and love? Don’t despise it. Don’t disparage yourself or hang your head down in shame. Don’t kick yourself, or let anyone else kick you, if you’re down or not on track– because you’re not out of the running, friend. It’s not too late.

It’s time to accept your past, cherish that dream you have, that calling to help and give back, that desire to love again. And respect yourself, your humble beginning; and respect the process that is at work.

We go from strength to strength, Scripture tells us. From the manger, then out to impact a whole wide world.

I’ve got a big dream– with a humble, seemingly insignificant beginning. And you do too.

Pick that broken dream back up and get on with what you know you want your life to be about.  Forget how much you stumbled about in the beginning, how you missed connections or lost your way.

Move forward with God leading you, from the place of the manger scene, and out to the whole wide world.

Worry…You’ve Got To Go!

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If you’ve ever wondered why you can’t seem to break the Worry habit, this post is for you. And there’s a special Gift Giving Tip that will make your Christmas–and your life–so much better.

Just because it’s a holy holiday season, don’t think that Worry will respect this and refuse to squelch your festive spirit, because it won’t. It’ll tap you on your shoulder from behind,  wake you up in the middle of the night with those dreadful thoughts, and hound you right and left– because Worry thrives on presenting you with a million “could-go wrong” scenarios, and never presents the option that all may go right. That all is calm, all is bright, as the Christmas carol suggests.

For those of you who believe in prayer, you also know that when you’ve prayed and asked for help with this worry problem, that you don’t necessarily feel much relief immediately or that your problem that is causing the worry doesn’t necessarily go away. So that can add a little more to your problems because now maybe you feel like you failed at trusting God or that maybe you didn’t have enough faith.

I’ve found that when I go through a troubling time, circumstantially, that I actually have two problems:

1. the actual circumstances which are negative or distressing, and then

2. my perception of the resources I have to deal with the problem, and my perception of what (bad thing) I think will happen next.

In other words, my first problem is actually occurring (my actual circumstances) but my second problem I’m facing is not actual– but anticipatory. It’s what I think or imagine might go wrong next, and how I might fail at handling or navigating through my actual problem... or how God might also “fail” in reaching me in time.

Now wait a minute, Lauren, God doesn’t ever fail us, you’re admonishing. And you’re right, He does not fail us, ever. He cannot fail us. BUT THAT”S NOT WHAT OUR MIND TELLS US WHEN WE ARE IN A CRISIS.

Worry likes to present a Double Loss scenario to us: Worry says that we will not be able to handle our crisis AND that God will not be able to help us through it either.

So that’s why we have trouble releasing our worries to God. We’re not sure, deep down inside, that He really wants to, and that He really will, help us. In other words, we have to know this one truth first, before we can act on the second truth next:

  1. Does God desire to help me? And is He able to help me? (This is all about who God is, this question). Psalm 55:22 tells us, Give your burdens to the LORD, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. We’ve got to spend some time really getting comfortable with the reality of this truth, poking it, drawing close to it, experiencing it and seeing that it’s real: GOD WILL NOT PERMIT YOU TO FALL.
  2. Then, if  I believe this first truth, will I then trust Him to help me, and therefore, WILL I LET GO OF THE PROBLEM TO HIM? I can’t let go of my worry if there’s no permanent place for the worry to go, no place for me to send my worry to. Because it’ll just turn around and come back to me.

This blessed season of gift giving and hope, there’s Someone who is waiting for the strangest kind of gift you could ever give someone: and that’s the gift of your worries. God says He would like you to give them to Him– and not take them back. Because that’s not proper etiquette. And for lack of a better term, that’s being an Indian-Giver. No taking back of a gift allowed!Especially when it’s the God of the universe you’re giving the gift to!

So do what you can to solve your troubling situation: make that phone call, confront that person, do the thing you’re afraid you’re going to fail at, pay the bills that you can, go into surgery having researched all options, ask for that time off….do what you can do, and then “give your burdens to the Lord” —and let them stay there, in His capable arms.

And when you release the problem to God, don’t let it return to you in the form of worry. When it tries to return, simply slam the door in its face, and say,

“Worry, you’ve got to go!”

 

Post Mountain Top Pep Talk on FEAR & ANXIETY

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If you’ve recently made a breakthrough in your life, but now you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, I’ve got a pep talk for you that will cause you to stand up straight and march on!

I’ve recently spoken at 2 Women’s Retreats here in the Northeast and I can tell you that the women in this region are still strong, still kicking, and that we don’t go down without a fight. And that even if we go down, we come back up …because

NOTHING CAN KEEP YOU DOWN!

Sometimes after you’ve heard an invigorating talk and you’re ready to implement some new strategies in your life or determined to break an unhealthy pattern in your life, you get all fired up…only to get cooled down by criticism or naysayers, problems that balloon into obstacles, or just that old enemy of your soul who doesn’t want to see you break FREE.

So here is your Post Mountain Top Pep Talk, for any who need shoring up; for any who experienced a recent revelation and now things are a bit murky and gray:

  • You are not going back into a state of fear or anxiety. You’re done with that gripping attack on your mind, that lie that you are at risk, at a disadvantage, or that you are no match for the problems or challenges you face. That kind of feeling of panic comes from forgetting that not only is God for you, but He Will COME THROUGH FOR YOU EVERY TIME. Just remember, the way God comes through is never the way we thought He would. He’ll use a variety of interesting circumstances and people to reach out to us and pull us up to a place where we can stand on solid ground. When a scary situation occurs and your initial reaction is complete fear, remind yourself that God won’t drop you, and God won’t leave you. Remind yourself that the biggest battle is to keep your trust in HIM alone, so that your mind won’t become a playground for Anxiety and Panic to run about freely.
  • You’ve got a Sound Mind. The soundest of all minds respects God, experiences and knows His love day by day, trusts fully in Him, and can respond to Him in love- not out of fear or dread.  A sound Mind is clear, settled, and at rest. It’s at rest because it is set on God’s unlimited power and on the truth of God’s pure motives towards you– He wants you to be at peace. So accept the peace. Embrace it. Because what you dwell on is going to become more real to you!
  • When you go through the Valley of Disaster, just remember you are not going to live there permanently. You are just traveling THROUGH it.  And that you are going through it with God at your side. And He’s out in front. And He’s behind you as well. You’re covered. He’s like a Seal Team x 7. What’s more, He can work all things together for good, and can transform your trouble into a time of Hope. And Hope is not a light feathery thing– it’s an anchor for your soul!! 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that the alpha team of Faith, Hope and Love outlast anything.
  • Lastly, if you’re going to have an expectation of anything, which is a type of faith, have an expectation that GOOD is ahead. Have godly convictions that line up with God’s Word. Jer 29:11 says He has good plans for us. So we should learn to expect good from God and not dread what’s ahead! Dreading things is looking forward but only “seeing” bad things coming down the road. When you dread the future, you are anticipating and expecting negative things and literally experiencing the fear of them happening– before they’ve happened. Proverbs 11:23 tells us that the expectation or the hope of the righteous is only good! Dreading is a type of reverse Faith. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that we should have our Faith (confident assurance) in God and have the certainty that what we are hoping for is waiting for us. Is God’s good plan waiting for you– or is it a life of misery and hopelessness waiting for you? 

Let me shout out the answer to that last question: Nothing but God’s good plan is waiting for you. His peace, his path of abundant resources and abundant grace, are in His hands and those hands are stretched out to you today.

He’s saying, “I’m a Big God. I’m bigger than your fears. My heart is bigger than the heart of those who want to bring you down. My plan for your life is bigger than the plan you would have for your life. And my plan is for your GOOD. So, yes, I’m a Big God, a capable God, a powerful God. But I’m a Loving God too. Merciful and Compassionate and Strong and Wise. I’m telling you, you’re safe, with Me.”

As the song goes, He’s the God on the mountain, and the God in any valley you might walk through. I’ve found Him to be completely trustworthy. And because of that, I’m finding myself….Fearless and FREE.

Come join me on this journey.

The Secret To A Stable Family Foundation

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Want to know the Secret to having a Stable Healthy Family? It takes more than Love!

In the healthiest of families, there are certain spiritual elements at work helping to create a functional environment of warmth, connection and joy. Obviously, love is the foundational principle of every family. But if love is the foundation and you don’t build any walls or put a roof on your house, you’ll be exposed to the elements and your family won’t be warm, safe and secure.

1 Corinthians 13 is known as the Love chapter, but it ends with this powerful truth: “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.” Besides love, faith and hope are instrumental in bringing daily encouragement and perspective to your family.

The Spiritual Temperature Of Your Family: Faith

Faith is seen in a family that has rock-solid convictions. And while you cannot force your children to believe in God, you, as the parents, can demonstrate what real faith is.

Having faith in God does not mean you don’t battle doubts, experience stress or always behave perfectly. But if the parents set the tone in the family and show what faith in action looks like, you will see your children respond. This kind of faith is contagious and emboldening.

“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”  —Hebrews 11:1

Radical faith is not doing crazy things, but actually staying sane and solid in Christ in a crazy world. If you maintain the spiritual temperature in your home at the setting of faith, your kids will be able to question out loud, expressing their doubts and feelings, and you as the parent will have the opportunity to open Scripture and talk about their concerns, showing your resilient faith in a God who never changes. There will be a growing confidence in your family as a result of growing faith.

The Anchor Of Your Family: Hope

Most family members know all about the anticipation of presents on key celebrations such as birthdays and Christmas. Everyone looks forward to that. But that same anticipation of God is a key element of hope.

When we are hopeful, we learn to anticipate God’s work in our family. Especially during trying seasons of stress, teenage turbulence or health scares, it’s important to maintain this attitude of hope. When your hope is in the Lord as a family unit, you will take turns encouraging each other through the trying times.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”  —1 Peter 1:3

Every family benefits from knowing their foundation is solid and lasting. Be hopeful always in the Lord. Have faith in God and your confidence as a family will grow. Love will be the foundation that stands the test of time.

You can build your family on these timeless truths and celebrate them daily as a family that will not fail.

 

Read more articles at Believe at Christian Mingle

All The Single Ladies (& Single Men): You Don’t Have To Pretend!

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Singlehood can be a time of self-discovery and adventure, but it can also be a time of aching loneliness and discouragement. Watching loving couples around you bask in their marital happiness, decorate their first Christmas tree together, have children and post all their glorious togetherness all over social media can be tough to take in.

It can be emotionally draining being single while yearning for that lasting connection where you are now someone’s better half. Your hopes and fears are all out there with every date you go on. Loved ones see you go into and out of relationships that did not last. And while well-intentioned married friends assure you that marriage has its challenges and lonely days too, you’d give anything to have those kind of two-become-one challenges.

So, all you single people, hear me when I say this: you don’t have to pretend to love this stage. As empowering as it is to travel solo, pamper yourself and learn to love your single self, singlehood is still often a painful, challenging season in life. When others don’t understand your loneliness and need for encouragement, there is One who does. Here is how God will journey with you through singlehood.

The Practical Pain Of Being Single

There are painful moments and scenes in singlehood: the plus-one wedding invitation you receive in a time where there is no plus-one in your life, the holiday dinners around the family table when everyone is paired up and you’re sitting next to the turkey, the baby christenings you attend where you ache to be starting a family of your own.

During these painful experiences, you don’t need to pretend there is no hurt or longing involved. The psalmist expressed all his pain and longing to God when people failed him or couldn’t understand his situation: “Pour out your heart to Him, for God is our refuge” (Psalm 62:8). You can pour out your heart to him as well and rely on God to not make light of your pain. He will see you through singlehood, in all its frustrations and challenges.

Your Need For Effective Encouragement

Singles are often told to learn to love themselves or even “date themselves”. But don’t forget the power of learning to comfort yourself as well (and I don’t mean hot fudge sundaes in bed or drinking binges). Real comfort comes when you can give yourself the comforting pep talk that others may have failed to give or did not know how to express.

King David would comfort and encourage himself with these words: “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God”(Ps 42:11).  It’s one of the most powerful antidotes to loneliness and despair.

As an added measure of comfort, try surrounding yourself with the sounds of praise music in whatever style you appreciate most, whether it’s gospel, contemporary praise or classical hymns. These healing sounds of praise to God will ignite something in your soul, encouraging you onward. You’ll realize that you can praise Him in your singleness, and that there will be plenty to praise God for in the days ahead.

The Need For Forgiveness (For Others And Yourself)

Singlehood can be a season of learning to forgive. So often, people offer ill-timed advice and hurtful comments over your single status. Whether insensitively delivered or accusingly given, you’ll need to learn to forgive others over and over again when they don’t understand the challenges of singlehood that you’re facing.

……Read more at Christian Mingle Believe !! and leave your comments:

How are you getting through Singlehood?!

This Is My Story: The Power Of Your Testimony!

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Many Christians have had the blessing of being raised in godly, loving homes with plenty of Sunday school and church meetings. Their lives can look nicely packaged and clean, while yours, as a new believer with a rough background, looks like you’ve come from a war zone. But never underestimate the power of your story, no matter how much you’ve had to overcome.

Your testimony is all about the tests you’ve gone through and the faithfulness of God to bring you through them. It’s not just about what you’ve had to overcome, but how God entered into your story. What God did for you, He will do for others. And it’s time to share your story.

Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Past

No matter how painful or dysfunctional your past is, remember that all of us can say, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” If you have pretty serious “offenses” in your past, they are not any better or worse than the sins and mistakes of anyone else’s past in the eyes of God.

The Bible tells us that we all have come short of the glory of God. But likewise, we all have received grace upon grace from Him. Lift up your eyes when you share your testimony of where you come from, knowing that God redeems every one of our lives from the pit. Never be ashamed of the power of God’s provision to take a painful past and give it a promising future. That’s your testimony and you’re sticking to it.

Don’t Share Every Detail

Be discreet with certain details of your story, as they would affect others involved in your past or as it might affect you in your future. This may seem like I’m negating what I shared in point #1. But there is a wisdom and a timing in sharing graphic and troubling scenes from your past.

Know that there’s a price to pay with your testimony once you go public. Are you ready to start talking about certain painful turning points in your life? How will your sharing of these stories affect any others who were part of your past? Is sharing specific details of your past even necessary? If you’re not comfortable getting into specifics, you can discreetly share things in whatever measure of candidness you feel is appropriate.

Look For Those Who Need Your Story

Of course, you are not ashamed of what God has done in your life. And we all have a testimony of sorts, because we all have a yesterday when we were not what we are today, because of the grace of God. But being willing to share your testimony also can involve being willing to get before certain segments of the population that specifically could benefit from your story of His intervention in your life.

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Read more at Christian Mingle Believe and leave your comments here!

More Than Just Friends: Advice For Those Daring To Date

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The two of you laugh at the same corny jokes. He brings you pink frosted donuts on Fridays because he knows your weakness for them. You’ve gone shopping with him to help him pick out a killer suit for his new interview. In fact, you’ve even given each other dating advice or a shoulder to cry on when past dates didn’t go so well.

You may have been friends for years, or recent acquaintances from your time together at church or at work. But now the question comes up: should we dare to date? Can we go from being friends to being in a relationship?

Daring to date someone that you’ve previously had a platonic relationship with is a tricky thing. There are some risks involved once you attempt to be more than friends, but it might just be that the Proverb was right: “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Here are three areas to evaluate in deciding if you should dare to date each other.

Does Your Friendship Contain Any Chemistry?

It isn’t necessary to feel overwhelming, instant attraction for someone in order to eventually fall in love with them. Sometimes, chemistry grows as the friendship grows, and suddenly there is a hint of the possibility of romance. It might just be that when he smiles, you now notice his eye crinkles. Or when she laughs, you suddenly hear the musical undertones.

If you’re now noticing this friend with a newfound appreciation and a bit of a flutter in your heart, it could be that your friendship is more than platonic. The question is, is this happening for him or her as well? It’s time to converse about this in a way that is subtle and gracious.

Has Emotional Intimacy Developed Between You Two?

Do you find yourself wanting to share more and more of yourself with this friend? It may not even be a conscious decision to open up more, but more of an ease that grows as you two text and talk openly about your lives. Feelings can ignite on one side or between the two of you.

Many friendships between men and women get complicated in this area. The challenge is discerning whether this emotional intimacy is reflective of a romantic connection that both of you are feeling. Often, one person can feel like this emotional connection means something lasting is happening, but the other person can simply just be a very extroverted and open person when it comes to sharing their feelings. So, don’t rush to conclusions yet.

It may be time to have a conversation about what feelings are being felt and what direction you both would like the friendship to go in. It also should include a type of “out” if one of you isn’t feeling the desire to become more than friends. And yes, that can be awkward. But it’s far more painful to spend months or years hoping that the other is secretly feeling more, and then later find out that you two were always going to be “just friends.”

How Would The Transition From Friendship To Dating Work?

True friendship involves honesty and a candidness where the two people can tell each other the truth of where they’re at, even if it includes fear, hesitation or vulnerability. Be sure to talk about what changes you should expect if you decide to start dating.

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Read more at Christian Mingle Believe

When The Fireworks End, It’s Still Not Over

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If you’re worried about staying “in love”, maybe it’s time to look for something better than explosions of passion and fireworks.

The highlight of July 4th comes in the evening: fireworks! Those explosions of color and sound sizzling across the dark sky thrill everyone watching. But that’s the key word: thrill. When you’re married for years, not everything will be so thrilling and exciting.

There’s a big difference between the exciting passion of new love and the love that endures after 20, 30 or even 50 years. But don’t be mistaken about the difference between thrilling and loving each other: when the fireworks end, it’s still not over.

I Feel Good

The feel-good chemicals released in our body when we’re in the throes of infatuation are exhilarating. There’s no doubt that we love to be in love. But science confirms that the rush of chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, and the accompanying heightened feelings of bliss, cannot last for more than two years. And thank God, because nobody would ever accomplish anything in this world if we were all walking around in that blissful, grin-on-our-face, drugged-like stupor that comes from falling in love. The fireworks can’t last forever, but that shouldn’t alarm us.

There’s something better than fireworks, better than explosions of passion and the euphoric state we feel when we are first in love. For one thing, that kind of state is really all about you; it’s all about how good you feel, how in love you feel. It’s like a high that we feel and it isn’t really centered on the truth of what love is all about. The essence of love is less about what we feel, and more about what we hope to make our partner feel: adored, secure and thoroughly loved.

When The Party Is Over

True love shows up when the party is over and the fireworks display is done. Deep, lasting love is shown at the hospital bedside of your spouse, or in the bathroom when you’re holding back the hair of your wife as she becomes violently sick. Real love is truly listening to our loved one confess their fears or share their story of pain. In those less-than-glamorous moments of reality, wouldn’t it be selfish of us to complain, “This doesn’t feel good. I’m not getting to feel those euphoric highs of love”?

It’s time we stop pursuing and idolizing that blissful state of falling in love and start living out the love we claim we feel. That’s when we get to the part of enjoying lasting love, committed love, true love.

Start A New Trend

I’d love to see a new trend begin in our culture…
(Read more at Christian Mingle Believe  and then comment here:

What do YOU do to keep love alive, after the fireworks are over?!)