Category Archives: Depression

If You’re Hurting, This Message is For You

A couple days ago I was at the Dr’s office with my daughter and sitting in the crowded waiting room, waiting for the doctor to see her. She’s had a rough time getting over what we first thought was just a cold– and it morphed into a 4 week round of sickness that really had her beat down. There was a lot of coughing and sniffling and phones ringing going on in that waiting room.

And then my phone rang.

A young woman asked for me by my name, saying she was looking for some counseling. I had a hard time hearing her, and I couldn’t quite get her name nor the name of the person who she said referred her to me. I told her I would love to talk with her further but that I was at the doctor’s office and could she text me her name and phone number so I could call her back later, after the appointment?

She said she would do that. But I never received a text from her that day.

When I looked into my call history to see if I could find her number and call her, I found it was a private, unlisted number. There was no way for me to contact her now. There was no way for me to call the person who had referred her because due to the noisy room and the poor reception, I couldn’t quite get the name of who she said had referred her to me.

So a woman reached out to me for help. And I cannot reach her. And that thought breaks my heart. But more importantly, I wonder how broken her heart is and if she is okay?

My husband and I have a ministry where we do a type of crisis counseling for marriages at the breaking point. Many times the couples have already tried formal counseling with a trained marriage therapist, or they sought counseling at their church, and they’re still at the end of their rope. They’re at a crossroads and need help at that very point –or their marriage might not make it.

I’ve also met with women on a one-to-one basis to encourage and coach them through any troubling life issue that they’re having trouble dealing with. Together we dig into the truth of God’s Word, the principles of healthy living and having a sound mind, and we prayerfully unite to make a breakthrough of sorts; or at least to initiate the beginning of a breakthrough– so that she at least walks out of our time together without that foreboding sense of I Can’t make it through this! hanging over her.

But I couldn’t do this with that woman. I couldn’t even offer an encouraging word in that busy noisy setting I was in, other than “I will call you right back!”

I don’t know what exactly this woman was calling me about. But I do know that she tried to ask for help. And that tells me that she’s possibly already on track– because she initiated a call; she reached out.

I want to tell her and every one of you who is hurting– Don’t stop! Don’t stop seeking the compassionate help that everyone deserves when their situation is critical, when their load in life is unbearably heavy. Don’t stop asking for someone to meet with you. Look for a capable, kind person with the resources and background experience that you need for the situation you’re in. Don’t be afraid to say what you’re feeling! Please call someone for help. And if you can’t reach them, call again.

One of the hardest things about going through a crisis or facing a troubling situation where you feel you’re not equipped, is the accompanying loneliness or isolation that you might be experiencing. You have a major problem, when you’ve got a major problem–but add to that a sense of being alone in the journey, or cut off from fellowship, or if you mistakenly felt rejected by God, and you now have an unbearable burden.

We weren’t meant to face challenges and fight battles as a Super Solo Survivor.  We are capable people but we are human– we need to grieve, mourn our losses,  and be real about the pain we feel. Hiding our trauma or our anxiety keeps us bound up in that. It’s time to get real about what we face, what we cannot deal with on our own. It doesn’t mean we are weak or an inferior Christian– it means we feel, we ache, we hurt, and we heal.

This has been a rough year for me, emotionally, with complex problems in some surprising relationships that have worn me out, worn me down a little. But I’ve also had certain precious relationships grow in richness and love and comfort. There’s been hugs and prayerful support and sometimes that compassionate listening ear that lets you just pour it all out. We need to pour it out. Don’t let the pain build up inside, my friend.

Most of all, keep asking God to show up in your messy distressing scene– He is  able to make Himself at home in the midst of your crisis, and permeate that whole yucky scene with His fragrant aroma of peace. Powerful peace in the midst of it all, peace in spite of it all. Ask Him to surprise you with His miraculous comfort, His surprising connections that lead to friendship and true fellowship, His unlimited resources for all of your needs.

To the girl who called for help, I’m praying for you.

And to the girl who hasn’t yet made that call, this might just be that nudge that you need, that sign that you asked for, to let you know– you don’t have to journey alone.

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Post Mountain Top Pep Talk on FEAR & ANXIETY

If you’ve recently made a breakthrough in your life, but now you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, I’ve got a pep talk for you that will cause you to stand up straight and march on!

I’ve recently spoken at 2 Women’s Retreats here in the Northeast and I can tell you that the women in this region are still strong, still kicking, and that we don’t go down without a fight. And that even if we go down, we come back up …because

NOTHING CAN KEEP YOU DOWN!

Sometimes after you’ve heard an invigorating talk and you’re ready to implement some new strategies in your life or determined to break an unhealthy pattern in your life, you get all fired up…only to get cooled down by criticism or naysayers, problems that balloon into obstacles, or just that old enemy of your soul who doesn’t want to see you break FREE.

So here is your Post Mountain Top Pep Talk, for any who need shoring up; for any who experienced a recent revelation and now things are a bit murky and gray:

  • You are not going back into a state of fear or anxiety. You’re done with that gripping attack on your mind, that lie that you are at risk, at a disadvantage, or that you are no match for the problems or challenges you face. That kind of feeling of panic comes from forgetting that not only is God for you, but He Will COME THROUGH FOR YOU EVERY TIME. Just remember, the way God comes through is never the way we thought He would. He’ll use a variety of interesting circumstances and people to reach out to us and pull us up to a place where we can stand on solid ground. When a scary situation occurs and your initial reaction is complete fear, remind yourself that God won’t drop you, and God won’t leave you. Remind yourself that the biggest battle is to keep your trust in HIM alone, so that your mind won’t become a playground for Anxiety and Panic to run about freely.
  • You’ve got a Sound Mind. The soundest of all minds respects God, experiences and knows His love day by day, trusts fully in Him, and can respond to Him in love- not out of fear or dread.  A sound Mind is clear, settled, and at rest. It’s at rest because it is set on God’s unlimited power and on the truth of God’s pure motives towards you– He wants you to be at peace. So accept the peace. Embrace it. Because what you dwell on is going to become more real to you!
  • When you go through the Valley of Disaster, just remember you are not going to live there permanently. You are just traveling THROUGH it.  And that you are going through it with God at your side. And He’s out in front. And He’s behind you as well. You’re covered. He’s like a Seal Team x 7. What’s more, He can work all things together for good, and can transform your trouble into a time of Hope. And Hope is not a light feathery thing– it’s an anchor for your soul!! 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that the alpha team of Faith, Hope and Love outlast anything.
  • Lastly, if you’re going to have an expectation of anything, which is a type of faith, have an expectation that GOOD is ahead. Have godly convictions that line up with God’s Word. Jer 29:11 says He has good plans for us. So we should learn to expect good from God and not dread what’s ahead! Dreading things is looking forward but only “seeing” bad things coming down the road. When you dread the future, you are anticipating and expecting negative things and literally experiencing the fear of them happening– before they’ve happened. Proverbs 11:23 tells us that the expectation or the hope of the righteous is only good! Dreading is a type of reverse Faith. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that we should have our Faith (confident assurance) in God and have the certainty that what we are hoping for is waiting for us. Is God’s good plan waiting for you– or is it a life of misery and hopelessness waiting for you? 

Let me shout out the answer to that last question: Nothing but God’s good plan is waiting for you. His peace, his path of abundant resources and abundant grace, are in His hands and those hands are stretched out to you today.

He’s saying, “I’m a Big God. I’m bigger than your fears. My heart is bigger than the heart of those who want to bring you down. My plan for your life is bigger than the plan you would have for your life. And my plan is for your GOOD. So, yes, I’m a Big God, a capable God, a powerful God. But I’m a Loving God too. Merciful and Compassionate and Strong and Wise. I’m telling you, you’re safe, with Me.”

As the song goes, He’s the God on the mountain, and the God in any valley you might walk through. I’ve found Him to be completely trustworthy. And because of that, I’m finding myself….Fearless and FREE.

Come join me on this journey.

Good Grief: Mourning a Past Relationship

There’s nothing as heartbreaking as experiencing the loss of someone you love. Many people struggle with the delicate balance of moving on from their loss and the need to fully grieve this painful and complicated experience. Grief is a natural and necessary human response to loss that includes a range of feelings and reactions, from denial to anger to depression.

Our loved ones may understand our need to grieve when we experience the death of a loved one, though they might never know the depths of what we’re feeling. But the loss of a relationship due to breakup can also be hard to work through if people don’t “see” the impact the loss is having on you. Well-meaning friends might tell you to “move on” or “chin up” and your sense of grief can intensify under this type of subtle criticism. But it’s good for us to work through our grief and fully express our pain while still embracing hope for our future.

Love And Loss

One of the hardest things about loving someone is that we can often love someone who we know we shouldn’t marry. Whether it’s not having the same spiritual convictions, or whether there is some type of toxicity they bring to the relationship that you know will put you under, you can very much yearn and for someone that at the same time you know you must give up.

On the other hand, you may have been “released” from a relationship in a cruel way, blinded by the quick cut-off. Regardless of how the loss occurred, you may be in the throws of grief and wondering if there is a way out of the dark sad feelings you’re experiencing.

The following four steps can help you process your grief and come out on the other side of healing.

Feel It Fully

Allow yourself to feel and fully process what happened. This is an area most of us are not good at. To feel the pain of a loss is not something we want to soak in for long. But not only do we need to acknowledge these painful feelings, we have to also process them and work through them. We have to try to take the emotional reaction out for a moment, and critically look at what happened and evaluate all the facets of the loss and how it occurred. This takes time.

This is when grief can become a slowly realized truth.

Recognize God’s Love

Grieving and feeling sad over a loss does not mean you are not trusting God. Grieving is a healthy part of loving and of living, and God is the author of life. He does not expect us to act like robots, minimize pain, deny its reality in our life, or over-spiritualize and try to move quickly to the “victory.”

Grief is dealing with the truth of loss and hurt in the light of God’s love.

Take Time

Work through the resulting painful effects of loss in your life today. It’s not helpful to fill our hearts with replacements for what we find painful to deal with. Avoid making big, life-impacting decisions that might just be symptoms of your grief crying out and not reflections of your true self.

Be patient with yourself; acting impetuously out of grief will often bring you more hurt and loss.

Seek Joy

Allow yourself to feel joy when it rises. For many, it seems impossible to grieve over the loss of someone and still be happy at the simple blessings of life. Grief ebbs and flows; it may lessen for a season and return when it gets triggered by a memory. Feeling grief and joy is a complicated but natural experience.

Even in your Grief, allow for moments of joy.

……..

 
Read more at https://www.christianmingle.com/believe/mourning-your-past

Recovering From Rejection After A Big Breakup

Rejection is one of the hardest things to handle and the most insidious in the way it does damage to our self esteem. Things can appear to be going so well in a budding relationship, when all of a sudden you get a text or a phone call saying, “We need to talk.” When the phone call ends and so does the relationship, we can be left broken hearted and questioning our self worth. But it’s really not the Rejection itself that does the damage– it’s often what we believe about ourselves when we’ve been rejected.

Lost And Found

After a painful experience of rejection, we need a time of recuperation. Recuperation isn’t just about recovering from something; it’s also about regaining something. Often when we’ve been rejected, we lose our confidence, and our self esteem plummets.

In order to recuperate when you’ve been rejected, you’ve got to re-interpret that message of rejection and replace it with one that more accurately reflects the work of your ongoing personal growth and your hope of a lasting future relationship.

Here are 4 ways to replace the message of Rejection with the appropriate message of Hope:

(Read the rest of my Article at BELIEVE– “Dating. Marriage. Relationships the Christian Way.”)

Depression: How To Let the Light Into Your Darkness

Many Christians have battled depression, but few feel comfortable talking about this all too common problem. It’s often too deep for words, the darkness and sadness we feel. It can be caused by a clinical disorder that requires medical intervention. For many of us, though, depression is a complicated experience often having to do with our delayed response to a season of stress, grief or an earlier trauma in our lives that we never dealt with.

These dark places in our past leave memories we often don’t want to deal with or speak of, and that’s understandable. Unexpressed grief and sorrow, though, will only resurface in one way or another, often ushering in waves of depression. But there’s much healing and freedom when we bring these past painful experiences to the light.

Turn the Light On

Scripture tells us that in bringing our sorrows and grief to Christ, we can be comforted in knowing He understands our pain as he was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief” (Is 53:3). There’s no judgment when we come to God in prayer about our weakness or pain. God has a way to bring light into our dark situation, and it begins with a simple but powerful word—Confession.

Confession isn’t just about the admission of sin or mistakes we’ve made. It’s also about an admission of our own need, our own pain, and the truth of our painful experiences.

Confession is part of the labor of love that is necessary for proper self love or self care. It’s also part of the work we must do of grappling with grief—not ignoring it, not stuffing it, not denying it. It’s got to be done. And when you do, you turn the lights on inside you, and find that there is nothing hidden there that God can’t heal.

Here are 3 aspects of confession that we can incorporate into our lives that will help us when we are experiencing a season of depression…

(Read the rest of this post at  Believe)