Author Archives: lovelaurencaldwell

About lovelaurencaldwell

I'm somewhat of a fireball of energy, speaking and writing passionately about real life struggles, real relationships, and real hope. I believe there’s never a situation that God can’t enter and redeem. It's time to get real about Relationships. So let's get to the heart of the matter.

This Is My Story: The Power Of Your Testimony!

Many Christians have had the blessing of being raised in godly, loving homes with plenty of Sunday school and church meetings. Their lives can look nicely packaged and clean, while yours, as a new believer with a rough background, looks like you’ve come from a war zone. But never underestimate the power of your story, no matter how much you’ve had to overcome.

Your testimony is all about the tests you’ve gone through and the faithfulness of God to bring you through them. It’s not just about what you’ve had to overcome, but how God entered into your story. What God did for you, He will do for others. And it’s time to share your story.

Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Past

No matter how painful or dysfunctional your past is, remember that all of us can say, “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” If you have pretty serious “offenses” in your past, they are not any better or worse than the sins and mistakes of anyone else’s past in the eyes of God.

The Bible tells us that we all have come short of the glory of God. But likewise, we all have received grace upon grace from Him. Lift up your eyes when you share your testimony of where you come from, knowing that God redeems every one of our lives from the pit. Never be ashamed of the power of God’s provision to take a painful past and give it a promising future. That’s your testimony and you’re sticking to it.

Don’t Share Every Detail

Be discreet with certain details of your story, as they would affect others involved in your past or as it might affect you in your future. This may seem like I’m negating what I shared in point #1. But there is a wisdom and a timing in sharing graphic and troubling scenes from your past.

Know that there’s a price to pay with your testimony once you go public. Are you ready to start talking about certain painful turning points in your life? How will your sharing of these stories affect any others who were part of your past? Is sharing specific details of your past even necessary? If you’re not comfortable getting into specifics, you can discreetly share things in whatever measure of candidness you feel is appropriate.

Look For Those Who Need Your Story

Of course, you are not ashamed of what God has done in your life. And we all have a testimony of sorts, because we all have a yesterday when we were not what we are today, because of the grace of God. But being willing to share your testimony also can involve being willing to get before certain segments of the population that specifically could benefit from your story of His intervention in your life.


Read more at Christian Mingle Believe and leave your comments here!

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More Than Just Friends: Advice For Those Daring To Date

The two of you laugh at the same corny jokes. He brings you pink frosted donuts on Fridays because he knows your weakness for them. You’ve gone shopping with him to help him pick out a killer suit for his new interview. In fact, you’ve even given each other dating advice or a shoulder to cry on when past dates didn’t go so well.

You may have been friends for years, or recent acquaintances from your time together at church or at work. But now the question comes up: should we dare to date? Can we go from being friends to being in a relationship?

Daring to date someone that you’ve previously had a platonic relationship with is a tricky thing. There are some risks involved once you attempt to be more than friends, but it might just be that the Proverb was right: “There is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Here are three areas to evaluate in deciding if you should dare to date each other.

Does Your Friendship Contain Any Chemistry?

It isn’t necessary to feel overwhelming, instant attraction for someone in order to eventually fall in love with them. Sometimes, chemistry grows as the friendship grows, and suddenly there is a hint of the possibility of romance. It might just be that when he smiles, you now notice his eye crinkles. Or when she laughs, you suddenly hear the musical undertones.

If you’re now noticing this friend with a newfound appreciation and a bit of a flutter in your heart, it could be that your friendship is more than platonic. The question is, is this happening for him or her as well? It’s time to converse about this in a way that is subtle and gracious.

Has Emotional Intimacy Developed Between You Two?

Do you find yourself wanting to share more and more of yourself with this friend? It may not even be a conscious decision to open up more, but more of an ease that grows as you two text and talk openly about your lives. Feelings can ignite on one side or between the two of you.

Many friendships between men and women get complicated in this area. The challenge is discerning whether this emotional intimacy is reflective of a romantic connection that both of you are feeling. Often, one person can feel like this emotional connection means something lasting is happening, but the other person can simply just be a very extroverted and open person when it comes to sharing their feelings. So, don’t rush to conclusions yet.

It may be time to have a conversation about what feelings are being felt and what direction you both would like the friendship to go in. It also should include a type of “out” if one of you isn’t feeling the desire to become more than friends. And yes, that can be awkward. But it’s far more painful to spend months or years hoping that the other is secretly feeling more, and then later find out that you two were always going to be “just friends.”

How Would The Transition From Friendship To Dating Work?

True friendship involves honesty and a candidness where the two people can tell each other the truth of where they’re at, even if it includes fear, hesitation or vulnerability. Be sure to talk about what changes you should expect if you decide to start dating.

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Read more at Christian Mingle Believe

Wedding Dreams and Disasters- WATCH OUR LATEST VIDEO!!

What does your wedding say about you?? It’s one of the most momentous days in your life: your wedding. Everyone wants their wedding day to be perfect. But let’s be real: the truth is, your wedding day will be as perfect and flawless as you are. Sorry for the plain truth. But don’t lost hope. All those perfect and not-so-perfect moments rolled together can create a beautiful lasting memory of a very real day when a very real couple, with real imperfections and REAL LOVE, came together and said “I Do” to Love, To lasting Commitment, to the journey of a lifetime!

Whether you’ve already said “I Do” or you’re hoping for that special day to come, join in on the fun in our latest video as Abby shares her wedding fears and I share some funny stories of disastrous wedding moments. Because even with the not-so-perfect moments, this day is about way more than perfection. It’s about your incredible future together!

Here’s to Weddings, the Do’s and the Don’ts and the “Please, Oh NO!”s

 

 

 

What God Will & Won’t Do To Help You Find A Spouse!

You can pray earnestly and ask God for your needs and desires to be met, and that includes praying for a spouse. He wants to be involved in this life-changing experience of you finding a soul mate and living out a committed love in marriage.

But we need to have an understanding of what God will and won’t do for us. If you are waiting for God to do something in your life while He is waiting on you to take action, disappointment and disillusionment can needlessly occur.

God Won’t Choose For You

Joshua 24:15 says, “Choose you this day whom you will serve.” God won’t make us commit our lives to him. In the same way, God won’t choose our spouse for us. He wants us to choose our spouse and choose to love them dearly and daily. He will not do that for us. We have to choose our spouse in the very beginning, and then we have to choose them again and again on a daily basis. When our will is involved, our heart will be also.

Now, God in His providential will may lead us to a suitable spouse directly or indirectly, but we have to see this person as a gift with our own eyes and involve our will to make it our choice as well. We can’t over-spiritualize this. God has given us a sound mind to discern, perceive and make choices. God holds us accountable for our choices, and expects us to grow in maturity as we learn to make healthy decisions.

God Won’t Do The Searching For You

There is a joy in the search for and discovery of blessings. Proverbs 25:2 tells us, “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” We search for the things we earnestly desire.

Meanwhile, the Bible tells us that, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” To find something, you have to search for it. There is a joyous thrill in searching for your spouse and later having a beautiful story to tell of how you found one another, how you met and how God led you there.

God Will Counsel You

The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will counsel us. Jesus said in John 10:10, “My sheep hear My voice.” This counsel is pivotal to our lives, helping confirm when we’ve made good choices and warning us when we are off track. We should look for confirmation that we are in His will and living our lives in harmony with Scriptural principles. This confirmation stabilizes our commitments and reassures us that God will be with us in all of the joys and challenges that lie ahead.

Learn to notice the promptings in your spirit to stay out of an unhealthy relationship, or to pause before committing, or to open your heart to the possibility of love. God’s counsel is earmarked by peace and a correlation to the Word of God. His counsel can also come through mature godly friends, a pastor or the caring relatives in your life. Learn to be sensitive to His counsel and you can be directed to a connection with someone that could wind up becoming your future spouse.

God Will Convict You When You’re Out of Alignment With Him

I had a conversation with a woman one day who was in a troubled, abusive relationship. Her family had tried to warn her of this man’s questionable character, but she didn’t listen to them. When I asked how she wound up with this man, she said, “I followed my heart. That’s why I married him. Don’t you follow your heart?”

“No, I don’t!” I said, with eyebrows raised in concern and compassion. I shared with her how the Bible tells us our hearts are deceptive (Jer. 17:9) and that only God can really sift through our motives and intentions and convict us when we are hell-bent on a bad thing for us. Conviction is a type of spiritual fire extinguisher. It’s an airlift when you’re on an island of deception and confusion. If you respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the counsel of God’s Word, you’ll stay in safe territory and be set free for a truly loving relationship.

God will lead us in paths of peace, but He won’t drop us onto them. We need to understand what He will and won’t do when we come to Him in prayer. Every answer from God is for our ultimate good.
Read more at https://www.christianmingle.com/believe/what-god-wont-do/#5tFudUbHBJsfGQbZ.99

 

STOP BEING INTIMIDATED!- Video

It’s been a while but…..   OUR LATEST VIDEO IS FINALLY OUT!!

So join in on the discussion about how to fight back against Intimidation. Because it’s subtle at first, but somewhere along the way, you lost your voice, you lost your confidence and it’s time to GET IT BACK!!

 

Get Free!! INTIMIDATION Part 2

Health scares and medical crises are intimidating. Sometimes we get a great doctor and a miraculous breakthrough in our prognosis. But sometimes things are very dark and the prognosis is grim.

Add to that the imposing authority figure of a medical professional who tells you there’s no chance, there’s no hope for full recovery, or that you’ll always need to take this medication, and you can feel not only overwhelmed, but sickened with intimidation. Who are you to question this medical expert?

The rules for Intimidation to invade and take hold are as follows: you stay quiet, you back down, and don’t you dare speak up.

Or you could break the rules, break the pattern that Intimidation thrives on.

I once had the audacity to do this.

Our son had struggled with asthma for years, needing frequent scary trips to the emergency room when he was having trouble breathing, even with the inhalers and all the medicine he was on. He then endured painful allergy shots for several years, and bravely handled the treatment because he was hoping he’d become tolerant of dog dander and finally be able to have a pet. He started to stabilize at around age 12, and we grew hopeful  that now at last he could have a dog. At a follow up appointment with his allergy specialist, we brought up this question.

Dr. F absolutely refused to even discuss it.

“But you had previously said that perhaps with allergy shots, over the course of several years, that he might grow immune to some of these things. Couldn’t we re-test him and see if he would now be able to tolerate dog dander so he can get a dog?” I asked.

Dr. F was not happy with me. I was questioning and asking him to re-evaluate this situation. He wasn’t used to being questioned , and he let me have it. Alex sat on the examining table, watching me carefully petition his doctor.

Dr. F turned to me and said very sternly, “Mrs. Caldwell, he cannot have a dog. I don’t think you get it–this is a serious matter. Children die from asthma!!”

Oh, I got it alright. I was furious at him for scaring my child with those words and using those intimidating words to couch his refusal for re-examining our son. We left the office that day and I told my son not to worry about what the doctor said, that he was getting stronger and healthier every day, and that I would find a way to get him tested again. I wanted my son to know its okay to question, its ok to investigate, and to look for answers.

At the root of intimidating circumstances and encounters with people we feel intimidated by, there is that element of fear. Fear that we’ll cross that line that they’ve put down for us. Afraid that they’re right and we are really wrong. That we have no right to insert our thoughts or opinion. If we cooperate with Intimidation, we’ll lose not only our voice, but our right to speak up or speak out.

But if we decide that we are tired of becoming smaller, quieter, and powerless, then it’s time for healthy anger…and action.

Often people who are overwhelmed and intimidated have unknowingly given away their right to be angry. Whether you’ve over spiritualized this (as in, nice Christians don’t get angry) or you’ve suppressed your range of emotions and just settled in the land of panic or fear, it’s important that you realize anger is not only an important, healthy emotion and correct response to situations where abuse or injustice is occurring, but it’s also a signpost.

It points up– as in: look up, square your shoulders, take a deep cleansing breath of self worth and dignity, and speak. Speak up. Speak out.

But beyond anger, there’s something more that’s needed. You know the saying, “Don’t get mad, get even!”

Well I say, don’t just get mad– get free.

And that’s what I did. I freed us from this intimidating, egotistical doctor.  I searched for a better one. This is how I found him.

Several times when Alex had had an asthma attack late at night and we’d be on the verge of taking him to an emergency room, I would call the allergy specialist on call and once in a while I’d get Dr. K.

Dr. K would always first say, “Well Mrs. Caldwell, what do you see? What does he sound like? You’re the mother. You know him better than me.” He would consult me and dialogue with me about Alex’s condition, and he’d incorporate my mother’s instinct into the equation and make his determination based on my instinct and knowledge of my son and his medical expertise.

In other words, he respected me. He didn’t look down on me from his grandiose sense of all-knowing medical power.  He listened to me. I was heard for my insight and contribution to the picture. This was a Dr. I could respect, because he also respected me.

So we switched to Dr. K.  He didn’t see any problem with my request to have Alex re-evaluated with a skin test to see if he was still allergic to dogs.  He wasn’t very optimistic but he was willing to consider it as a possibility. So we had the test done.

When the results came back, we sat in his office waiting. Alex was quietly hopeful. Dr K walked in. He had the test results in his hands.

“Mrs. Caldwell,  this hardly ever happens. I’m not sure if it’s the allergy shots over the years or what. But your son is no longer allergic to dogs.” He smiled at us. “Alex, you can go out and get a dog.”

harry

So we did. For almost 14 years this sweet flop of a dog, Harry, was a reminder to us that we can’t just wish and hope things would be different. We can’t continue to take timid steps backward everytime someone powerful in demeanor rises before us.

We can’t let Intimidation snuff out our dreams and silence our voices.

So speak up, today. For yourself. For someone you love.

And set yourself free.

How Did I Let This Happen To Me?- INTIMIDATION! Part 1

It happens to you before you realize it, but the signs are all there: you’re feeling afraid, coerced, demoralized, bullied, held back, demeaned, and limited. You wonder, “How did I let this happen to me?”

I’ll tell you how. Because I’ve been there.

You see, Intimidation usually happens within a supposedly loving or fair or long running relationship. It can happen when you’re dating someone,  with a co-worker or boss, with your sibling or parent, with someone you thought you were friends with. It’s often a precursor to abuse and domination. And when it’s at work in the relationship, all the nice titles that previously defined your relationship don’t mean a hill of beans.

Take a hard look at that troubling situation you’re in. (Healthy relationships can stand to be examined.) You havn’t been able to put your finger on it, maybe, but you know you’re in trouble because of that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’re just not sure when you started to feel that way.

You see, Intimidation occurs over time and in an under handed way.  So it’s hard to tell when you fell under it. But if you put that thermometer in and take your temp, you’ll be able to see the elevated levels of discouragement, depression, and despair in your life. Those are signs that something dark and nasty is at work there. Intimidation has been eating away at you, like a necrotizing despair.

Someone, somehow, got more than just the upper hand in your interaction with them. They pushed and took control, they smiled with their mouth but there wasn’t warmth in their eyes, you sensed a  power struggle, a battle you couldn’t win– and you gave in.

You thought you just gave them that “win” in that situation, but you really gave them way more than that–because you lost your voice,you lost your confidence,  you lost your peace and your power. You lost your sense of dignity and worth.

And now it’s time to get it all back.

That one decision, right there, is the beginning of health and healing to your soul. That desire to fight for the truth of what you’re facing–not necessarily fight against the person– that right there will start to lead you out onto solid ground.

Because when you can’t fight back, when you don’t want to fight back or equalize your standing and validate your right to be heard– that is a dangerous place. That’s where that bully in your life wants to bring you, to the point of your complete loss of confidence and self respect. That way your bully has an easier time walking all over you.

I’m at a dangerous but liberating point in my life. I’m too old to be ignorant of patterns I’ve seen in people’s lives, my back is too stiff to lie down and let someone walk on me, I’m too angry about all the abuse I’ve seen loved ones endure, and I’m not willing to stay quiet and polite anymore.

I’m going for bold and loud. Loud, as in loud and clear.

So let me make this message clear: I’m speaking out against Intimidation and those who major in it. I’m taking the journey into wholeness, where people walk with self respect and quiet confidence–and they don’t have to apologize for their peace of mind and sense of dignity and worth. If you want to come on this journey with me, sit tight.

And stay tuned for Part 2.

(Watch for our new YouTube Video on Intimidation being released soon!)