Tag Archives: Confidence

Post Mountain Top Pep Talk on FEAR & ANXIETY

If you’ve recently made a breakthrough in your life, but now you’re struggling with fear or anxiety, I’ve got a pep talk for you that will cause you to stand up straight and march on!

I’ve recently spoken at 2 Women’s Retreats here in the Northeast and I can tell you that the women in this region are still strong, still kicking, and that we don’t go down without a fight. And that even if we go down, we come back up …because

NOTHING CAN KEEP YOU DOWN!

Sometimes after you’ve heard an invigorating talk and you’re ready to implement some new strategies in your life or determined to break an unhealthy pattern in your life, you get all fired up…only to get cooled down by criticism or naysayers, problems that balloon into obstacles, or just that old enemy of your soul who doesn’t want to see you break FREE.

So here is your Post Mountain Top Pep Talk, for any who need shoring up; for any who experienced a recent revelation and now things are a bit murky and gray:

  • You are not going back into a state of fear or anxiety. You’re done with that gripping attack on your mind, that lie that you are at risk, at a disadvantage, or that you are no match for the problems or challenges you face. That kind of feeling of panic comes from forgetting that not only is God for you, but He Will COME THROUGH FOR YOU EVERY TIME. Just remember, the way God comes through is never the way we thought He would. He’ll use a variety of interesting circumstances and people to reach out to us and pull us up to a place where we can stand on solid ground. When a scary situation occurs and your initial reaction is complete fear, remind yourself that God won’t drop you, and God won’t leave you. Remind yourself that the biggest battle is to keep your trust in HIM alone, so that your mind won’t become a playground for Anxiety and Panic to run about freely.
  • You’ve got a Sound Mind. The soundest of all minds respects God, experiences and knows His love day by day, trusts fully in Him, and can respond to Him in love- not out of fear or dread.  A sound Mind is clear, settled, and at rest. It’s at rest because it is set on God’s unlimited power and on the truth of God’s pure motives towards you– He wants you to be at peace. So accept the peace. Embrace it. Because what you dwell on is going to become more real to you!
  • When you go through the Valley of Disaster, just remember you are not going to live there permanently. You are just traveling THROUGH it.  And that you are going through it with God at your side. And He’s out in front. And He’s behind you as well. You’re covered. He’s like a Seal Team x 7. What’s more, He can work all things together for good, and can transform your trouble into a time of Hope. And Hope is not a light feathery thing– it’s an anchor for your soul!! 1 Corinthians 13 tells us that the alpha team of Faith, Hope and Love outlast anything.
  • Lastly, if you’re going to have an expectation of anything, which is a type of faith, have an expectation that GOOD is ahead. Have godly convictions that line up with God’s Word. Jer 29:11 says He has good plans for us. So we should learn to expect good from God and not dread what’s ahead! Dreading things is looking forward but only “seeing” bad things coming down the road. When you dread the future, you are anticipating and expecting negative things and literally experiencing the fear of them happening– before they’ve happened. Proverbs 11:23 tells us that the expectation or the hope of the righteous is only good! Dreading is a type of reverse Faith. Hebrews 11:1 tells us that we should have our Faith (confident assurance) in God and have the certainty that what we are hoping for is waiting for us. Is God’s good plan waiting for you– or is it a life of misery and hopelessness waiting for you? 

Let me shout out the answer to that last question: Nothing but God’s good plan is waiting for you. His peace, his path of abundant resources and abundant grace, are in His hands and those hands are stretched out to you today.

He’s saying, “I’m a Big God. I’m bigger than your fears. My heart is bigger than the heart of those who want to bring you down. My plan for your life is bigger than the plan you would have for your life. And my plan is for your GOOD. So, yes, I’m a Big God, a capable God, a powerful God. But I’m a Loving God too. Merciful and Compassionate and Strong and Wise. I’m telling you, you’re safe, with Me.”

As the song goes, He’s the God on the mountain, and the God in any valley you might walk through. I’ve found Him to be completely trustworthy. And because of that, I’m finding myself….Fearless and FREE.

Come join me on this journey.

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Get Free!! INTIMIDATION Part 2

Health scares and medical crises are intimidating. Sometimes we get a great doctor and a miraculous breakthrough in our prognosis. But sometimes things are very dark and the prognosis is grim.

Add to that the imposing authority figure of a medical professional who tells you there’s no chance, there’s no hope for full recovery, or that you’ll always need to take this medication, and you can feel not only overwhelmed, but sickened with intimidation. Who are you to question this medical expert?

The rules for Intimidation to invade and take hold are as follows: you stay quiet, you back down, and don’t you dare speak up.

Or you could break the rules, break the pattern that Intimidation thrives on.

I once had the audacity to do this.

Our son had struggled with asthma for years, needing frequent scary trips to the emergency room when he was having trouble breathing, even with the inhalers and all the medicine he was on. He then endured painful allergy shots for several years, and bravely handled the treatment because he was hoping he’d become tolerant of dog dander and finally be able to have a pet. He started to stabilize at around age 12, and we grew hopeful  that now at last he could have a dog. At a follow up appointment with his allergy specialist, we brought up this question.

Dr. F absolutely refused to even discuss it.

“But you had previously said that perhaps with allergy shots, over the course of several years, that he might grow immune to some of these things. Couldn’t we re-test him and see if he would now be able to tolerate dog dander so he can get a dog?” I asked.

Dr. F was not happy with me. I was questioning and asking him to re-evaluate this situation. He wasn’t used to being questioned , and he let me have it. Alex sat on the examining table, watching me carefully petition his doctor.

Dr. F turned to me and said very sternly, “Mrs. Caldwell, he cannot have a dog. I don’t think you get it–this is a serious matter. Children die from asthma!!”

Oh, I got it alright. I was furious at him for scaring my child with those words and using those intimidating words to couch his refusal for re-examining our son. We left the office that day and I told my son not to worry about what the doctor said, that he was getting stronger and healthier every day, and that I would find a way to get him tested again. I wanted my son to know its okay to question, its ok to investigate, and to look for answers.

At the root of intimidating circumstances and encounters with people we feel intimidated by, there is that element of fear. Fear that we’ll cross that line that they’ve put down for us. Afraid that they’re right and we are really wrong. That we have no right to insert our thoughts or opinion. If we cooperate with Intimidation, we’ll lose not only our voice, but our right to speak up or speak out.

But if we decide that we are tired of becoming smaller, quieter, and powerless, then it’s time for healthy anger…and action.

Often people who are overwhelmed and intimidated have unknowingly given away their right to be angry. Whether you’ve over spiritualized this (as in, nice Christians don’t get angry) or you’ve suppressed your range of emotions and just settled in the land of panic or fear, it’s important that you realize anger is not only an important, healthy emotion and correct response to situations where abuse or injustice is occurring, but it’s also a signpost.

It points up– as in: look up, square your shoulders, take a deep cleansing breath of self worth and dignity, and speak. Speak up. Speak out.

But beyond anger, there’s something more that’s needed. You know the saying, “Don’t get mad, get even!”

Well I say, don’t just get mad– get free.

And that’s what I did. I freed us from this intimidating, egotistical doctor.  I searched for a better one. This is how I found him.

Several times when Alex had had an asthma attack late at night and we’d be on the verge of taking him to an emergency room, I would call the allergy specialist on call and once in a while I’d get Dr. K.

Dr. K would always first say, “Well Mrs. Caldwell, what do you see? What does he sound like? You’re the mother. You know him better than me.” He would consult me and dialogue with me about Alex’s condition, and he’d incorporate my mother’s instinct into the equation and make his determination based on my instinct and knowledge of my son and his medical expertise.

In other words, he respected me. He didn’t look down on me from his grandiose sense of all-knowing medical power.  He listened to me. I was heard for my insight and contribution to the picture. This was a Dr. I could respect, because he also respected me.

So we switched to Dr. K.  He didn’t see any problem with my request to have Alex re-evaluated with a skin test to see if he was still allergic to dogs.  He wasn’t very optimistic but he was willing to consider it as a possibility. So we had the test done.

When the results came back, we sat in his office waiting. Alex was quietly hopeful. Dr K walked in. He had the test results in his hands.

“Mrs. Caldwell,  this hardly ever happens. I’m not sure if it’s the allergy shots over the years or what. But your son is no longer allergic to dogs.” He smiled at us. “Alex, you can go out and get a dog.”

harry

So we did. For almost 14 years this sweet flop of a dog, Harry, was a reminder to us that we can’t just wish and hope things would be different. We can’t continue to take timid steps backward everytime someone powerful in demeanor rises before us.

We can’t let Intimidation snuff out our dreams and silence our voices.

So speak up, today. For yourself. For someone you love.

And set yourself free.

How Did I Let This Happen To Me?- INTIMIDATION! Part 1

It happens to you before you realize it, but the signs are all there: you’re feeling afraid, coerced, demoralized, bullied, held back, demeaned, and limited. You wonder, “How did I let this happen to me?”

I’ll tell you how. Because I’ve been there.

You see, Intimidation usually happens within a supposedly loving or fair or long running relationship. It can happen when you’re dating someone,  with a co-worker or boss, with your sibling or parent, with someone you thought you were friends with. It’s often a precursor to abuse and domination. And when it’s at work in the relationship, all the nice titles that previously defined your relationship don’t mean a hill of beans.

Take a hard look at that troubling situation you’re in. (Healthy relationships can stand to be examined.) You havn’t been able to put your finger on it, maybe, but you know you’re in trouble because of that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. You’re just not sure when you started to feel that way.

You see, Intimidation occurs over time and in an under handed way.  So it’s hard to tell when you fell under it. But if you put that thermometer in and take your temp, you’ll be able to see the elevated levels of discouragement, depression, and despair in your life. Those are signs that something dark and nasty is at work there. Intimidation has been eating away at you, like a necrotizing despair.

Someone, somehow, got more than just the upper hand in your interaction with them. They pushed and took control, they smiled with their mouth but there wasn’t warmth in their eyes, you sensed a  power struggle, a battle you couldn’t win– and you gave in.

You thought you just gave them that “win” in that situation, but you really gave them way more than that–because you lost your voice,you lost your confidence,  you lost your peace and your power. You lost your sense of dignity and worth.

And now it’s time to get it all back.

That one decision, right there, is the beginning of health and healing to your soul. That desire to fight for the truth of what you’re facing–not necessarily fight against the person– that right there will start to lead you out onto solid ground.

Because when you can’t fight back, when you don’t want to fight back or equalize your standing and validate your right to be heard– that is a dangerous place. That’s where that bully in your life wants to bring you, to the point of your complete loss of confidence and self respect. That way your bully has an easier time walking all over you.

I’m at a dangerous but liberating point in my life. I’m too old to be ignorant of patterns I’ve seen in people’s lives, my back is too stiff to lie down and let someone walk on me, I’m too angry about all the abuse I’ve seen loved ones endure, and I’m not willing to stay quiet and polite anymore.

I’m going for bold and loud. Loud, as in loud and clear.

So let me make this message clear: I’m speaking out against Intimidation and those who major in it. I’m taking the journey into wholeness, where people walk with self respect and quiet confidence–and they don’t have to apologize for their peace of mind and sense of dignity and worth. If you want to come on this journey with me, sit tight.

And stay tuned for Part 2.

(Watch for our new YouTube Video on Intimidation being released soon!)