Category Archives: getting engaged

What God Will & Won’t Do To Help You Find A Spouse!

You can pray earnestly and ask God for your needs and desires to be met, and that includes praying for a spouse. He wants to be involved in this life-changing experience of you finding a soul mate and living out a committed love in marriage.

But we need to have an understanding of what God will and won’t do for us. If you are waiting for God to do something in your life while He is waiting on you to take action, disappointment and disillusionment can needlessly occur.

God Won’t Choose For You

Joshua 24:15 says, “Choose you this day whom you will serve.” God won’t make us commit our lives to him. In the same way, God won’t choose our spouse for us. He wants us to choose our spouse and choose to love them dearly and daily. He will not do that for us. We have to choose our spouse in the very beginning, and then we have to choose them again and again on a daily basis. When our will is involved, our heart will be also.

Now, God in His providential will may lead us to a suitable spouse directly or indirectly, but we have to see this person as a gift with our own eyes and involve our will to make it our choice as well. We can’t over-spiritualize this. God has given us a sound mind to discern, perceive and make choices. God holds us accountable for our choices, and expects us to grow in maturity as we learn to make healthy decisions.

God Won’t Do The Searching For You

There is a joy in the search for and discovery of blessings. Proverbs 25:2 tells us, “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” We search for the things we earnestly desire.

Meanwhile, the Bible tells us that, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” To find something, you have to search for it. There is a joyous thrill in searching for your spouse and later having a beautiful story to tell of how you found one another, how you met and how God led you there.

God Will Counsel You

The Bible tells us that the Holy Spirit will counsel us. Jesus said in John 10:10, “My sheep hear My voice.” This counsel is pivotal to our lives, helping confirm when we’ve made good choices and warning us when we are off track. We should look for confirmation that we are in His will and living our lives in harmony with Scriptural principles. This confirmation stabilizes our commitments and reassures us that God will be with us in all of the joys and challenges that lie ahead.

Learn to notice the promptings in your spirit to stay out of an unhealthy relationship, or to pause before committing, or to open your heart to the possibility of love. God’s counsel is earmarked by peace and a correlation to the Word of God. His counsel can also come through mature godly friends, a pastor or the caring relatives in your life. Learn to be sensitive to His counsel and you can be directed to a connection with someone that could wind up becoming your future spouse.

God Will Convict You When You’re Out of Alignment With Him

I had a conversation with a woman one day who was in a troubled, abusive relationship. Her family had tried to warn her of this man’s questionable character, but she didn’t listen to them. When I asked how she wound up with this man, she said, “I followed my heart. That’s why I married him. Don’t you follow your heart?”

“No, I don’t!” I said, with eyebrows raised in concern and compassion. I shared with her how the Bible tells us our hearts are deceptive (Jer. 17:9) and that only God can really sift through our motives and intentions and convict us when we are hell-bent on a bad thing for us. Conviction is a type of spiritual fire extinguisher. It’s an airlift when you’re on an island of deception and confusion. If you respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and the counsel of God’s Word, you’ll stay in safe territory and be set free for a truly loving relationship.

God will lead us in paths of peace, but He won’t drop us onto them. We need to understand what He will and won’t do when we come to Him in prayer. Every answer from God is for our ultimate good.
Read more at https://www.christianmingle.com/believe/what-god-wont-do/#5tFudUbHBJsfGQbZ.99

 

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When The Fireworks End, It’s Still Not Over

If you’re worried about staying “in love”, maybe it’s time to look for something better than explosions of passion and fireworks.

The highlight of July 4th comes in the evening: fireworks! Those explosions of color and sound sizzling across the dark sky thrill everyone watching. But that’s the key word: thrill. When you’re married for years, not everything will be so thrilling and exciting.

There’s a big difference between the exciting passion of new love and the love that endures after 20, 30 or even 50 years. But don’t be mistaken about the difference between thrilling and loving each other: when the fireworks end, it’s still not over.

I Feel Good

The feel-good chemicals released in our body when we’re in the throes of infatuation are exhilarating. There’s no doubt that we love to be in love. But science confirms that the rush of chemicals like dopamine and serotonin, and the accompanying heightened feelings of bliss, cannot last for more than two years. And thank God, because nobody would ever accomplish anything in this world if we were all walking around in that blissful, grin-on-our-face, drugged-like stupor that comes from falling in love. The fireworks can’t last forever, but that shouldn’t alarm us.

There’s something better than fireworks, better than explosions of passion and the euphoric state we feel when we are first in love. For one thing, that kind of state is really all about you; it’s all about how good you feel, how in love you feel. It’s like a high that we feel and it isn’t really centered on the truth of what love is all about. The essence of love is less about what we feel, and more about what we hope to make our partner feel: adored, secure and thoroughly loved.

When The Party Is Over

True love shows up when the party is over and the fireworks display is done. Deep, lasting love is shown at the hospital bedside of your spouse, or in the bathroom when you’re holding back the hair of your wife as she becomes violently sick. Real love is truly listening to our loved one confess their fears or share their story of pain. In those less-than-glamorous moments of reality, wouldn’t it be selfish of us to complain, “This doesn’t feel good. I’m not getting to feel those euphoric highs of love”?

It’s time we stop pursuing and idolizing that blissful state of falling in love and start living out the love we claim we feel. That’s when we get to the part of enjoying lasting love, committed love, true love.

Start A New Trend

I’d love to see a new trend begin in our culture…
(Read more at Christian Mingle Believe  and then comment here:

What do YOU do to keep love alive, after the fireworks are over?!)

Is Your Relationship Worth Rescuing??- Take the Test!

Every relationship reaches stressful turning points that could seemingly threaten the end of the relationship. You may be in a relationship right now and wondering if your current problem is the one that will make him call it quits. Or you may be wondering if she is starting to give up on the two of you, due to the recent disagreements you’ve been experiencing.

Your relationship is continually being tested, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. When we hear the word “test,” we think of the performance anxiety we feel at the thought of failing a challenging test we weren’t prepared for. But testing can also be a positive thing because it helps to prove what’s authentic and valuable.

Every relationship goes through a type of testing that is ultimately clarifying. The test results indicate the direction you should take – either breaking up or breaking through to a stronger commitment.

It’s Real

My daughter and I love to go to antique shows and flea markets. At one flea market, we were looking at some old silver rings that were a bit tarnished. We couldn’t see the microscopic markings and were wondering if the rings were sterling silver, but we had no way of verifying that. The antique dealer at the booth showed us how to test for sterling silver by using a magnet: sterling silver is non-ferrous, and won’t cling to a magnet.

In the same way, we have to let our relationships be tested to see what they’re made of: is there a foundation of forgiveness and an expectation that ongoing grace is necessary? Is there an attitude of respect for each other? Is God at the center of your relationship, with the two of you leaning on His direction to guide you through the challenging times?

Your relationship doesn’t have to derail when you hit a problem. It may not be time to break up; instead, you can break through to a new level of understanding and a higher level of love.

Take the Test

Not sure if your current relationships is ready to go the distance? Here are four questions that can help you evaluate the strength of your relationship:

  1. Can we talk about it? Healthy relationships excel in communication. Verbally expressing your intentions and using words of affirmation are important, but so is communicating through eye contact and through action. One of the best ways to truly communicate well in your relationship is to learn how to pray with each other and let God in on the problems you face and the desires of your hearts. Can you both open up and honestly talk about stressful situations and difficult subject matters?
  2. Do we harbor resentment? Built up resentment can lead to an explosive turning point in your relationship that is hard to recover from. And forgiveness is not a one-time deal. You shouldn’t ignore serious problems, but as you speak the truth in love to each other, you’ll also need to express and walk in continual forgiveness. Are you both committed to a lifestyle of  forgiveness and showing ongoing grace to each other?
  3. Are we repeating patterns of dysfunction from our pasts? Everyone brings some “baggage” into their current relationship, but not everyone is willing to work through their past problems and pain. Some people walk in denial of their problems, and relationships can suffer under the weight of repeated blowups born out of unhealthy patterns of coping. Are you both ready to be truly vulnerable and open up about your past pain and resulting coping patterns?
  4. Do we both have the same outcome in mind for our relationship? If one person is looking forward to marriage and building a family, but the other partner is not really commitment-focused, this could be the turning point in your relationship where you realize your hopes for your futures just don’t line up. Are you both committed to the goal of long term commitment for your relationship?…..

(Read the rest of this article at BELIEVE by Christian Mingle)

Comments or Requests?! I’m here to answer them 🙂

How to Know You’ve Found The One- Part 2

HOW WILL I KNOW?

The night that I sat on my bed journaling, I got this rushing sense of ‘knowing.” It was like Truth had been direct deposited into me; a sudden download of perspective on the matter of my life and how it would intertwine with someone else’s and make sense. I felt quite calm sitting there, my journal sprawled open on the bed and the pen in my hand. I remember suddenly smiling in amazement.

I went back to my college at the end of Christmas break and broke up with my boyfriend Rob.

Then, just 3 weeks later, Bill asked me to marry him.

When it comes to knowing if you’ve found The One, most people think you should first answer the question, “But do I love him? Or Do I love her enough to marry her?

We think Love will lead the way to us knowing whether we should spend the rest of our life with someone. And obviously we want Love to be the primary motivator of our lasting relationship.

But there’s something just as important as Love, when it comes to KNOWING if you have the right person.

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