How to Know You’ve Found “The One”-Part 1

 One of the most pressing questions you’ll ever have to answer is the question “How will I know if this person is the One for me?”

For a few of us married folk, (mainly the men from what I hear) this question was answered easily and quickly. Others of us wrestled the deep question to the ground and grappled with it for weeks or months of soul searching. It’s too big of a question to just tap on the shoulder of Decision-making and get a direct answer within seconds. You’re talking about marrying someone here. You’re talking about the rest of your life!

For some of you, it has yet to be answered because you’re still single. Whether you’re dating someone right now or not dating at all, you’ve probably thought of this question in the back of your mind. Maybe you’ve had a friend come to you for advice because she is getting serious with someone but not sure she should be. Or maybe you’ve already had a broken engagement and you don’t want to go through that again. But you still have no idea of how you’ll know when you’ve met the Right One.

We don’t usually wind up having to answer the question of “Is this the One?” until we are in a relationship that is getting serious. It might need to be answered within a couple weeks, if the relationship is fast and furious, while other relationships take a couple years before the two people are discussing the possibility of marriage.

But you can get a head start on answering this question of whether you’ve found “the One” way before you even get into a relationship.

How is that possible, you ask? Step into my story to see what I mean.


My husband, Bill, and I grew up in the same town, went to the same high school, but had only had a handful of conversations before he came out to go to seminary which was located just down the street from my college….

It was my senior year. I was in a serious relationship with this guy at my college for about a year. Serious, but kind of confusing. We were committed to our faith, worked together in a youth group ministry at a local church, and had a strong physical attraction to each other. But something didn’t feel right about the relationship. And I found myself pacing a lot, feeling confused and pressured to decide if he was the One. I had already invested a year of my life with him and we seemed to be going in that direction that starts with M.

One night I decided to go to the seminary library down the street to study. I ran into Bill, sitting over by the long window in the corner. I wound up talking with him for several hours. It was a good talk. I left there feeling less burdened. After that, I began to go to the seminary library more often. I’d go over there to supposedly study, but I think there was this homing instinct in me. I was looking for peace and perspective. I found it in the very candid but innocent chats I’d have with Bill. Then I’d go back to my college campus, back to my boyfriend, back to my muddle of  confusion. We seemingly had everything going for us. Everything but a sense of joy and peace over our future together.

Several weeks later, my boyfriend walked me to my husband’s car because Bill was going to be driving us back to our home town for Christmas break.

My boyfriend opened Bill’s car door, put me inside and kissed me good-bye, and said to Bill, “Take good care of her.”

Bill said, “Oh, I will” and shut the car door.

That was it. I specifically felt it in my spirit. I could tell something had happened. I felt like I had been delivered from one guy to the other. Like a package. I didn’t know it was the end of my relationship with my boyfriend. I just sensed something significant was happening.

A week later, now home on Christmas break, I was sitting on my bed and writing in my journal. And suddenly I just saw myself. I got this distinct perspective of who I was. I felt very clear and strong. All that previous confusion that I had experienced during the year of dating my boyfriend, all that was suddenly lifted. I had this deep stabilizing sense of who I was, a perspective of my strengths, my identity, my calling.

This was not a classically romantic moment. Bill wasn’t there, but it had everything to do with him—even though he and I had never discussed a future together. We had never even been out on a date or kissed. Heck, the guy didn’t even know how to flirt with me!

But it was a critically important moment for me.

Suddenly I knew.

(Stay tuned for Part 2 in the next blog post)

(Watch our YouTube video HOW WILL I KNOW IF HE’S THE ONE??)

5 thoughts on “How to Know You’ve Found “The One”-Part 1

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